The Unsung Heroes of professional sports
Where R They Now
This website is a tribute to the other guys... The men who had hearts of champions, but skill levels of little girls. Many of them rode the bench throughout their careers, getting lucky to get some garbage time. These are the men who don't hesitate to show off their Championship rings even though they didn't play 1 minute in the playoffs. Nevertheless, we will continue to rep them and give them mad props because somebody has to.
Here on WhereRtheyNow, we reveal our heroes whereabouts and what they are doing today.
Here on WhereRtheyNow, we reveal our heroes whereabouts and what they are doing today.
Warning: Milo may contain methanphetamines among other illegal substances. WhereRthey is not responsible for any seizures, heart attacks, massive erections lasting for 28 hours, or death of customers.
DESAGANA Diop
JON Kitna
Where R They was called upon to locate Kitna. After months of searching, we finally found him in the jungle wearing a camouflage jumpsuit searching for big foot. During his 3 months spent in the jungle, Kitna miraculously survived only on coconut juice and raw lion meat, which he had hunted with his bare hands. As our Where R They Now team descended our helicopter to discover an animalistic and enraged Kitna in the wild, he attacked us on first sight. We proceeded to take aim and gun Kitna down via tranquilizer gun, he finally dropped and we found three baseball cards, one bottle of KY jelly and eight roofelin on his persons. The delusional Jon Kitna still claims to have seen big foot once from a distance, but that the mythical creature vanished very quickly. Before embarking on his journey to the jungle, he spent a few years as a math teacher at his high school, where he was also a football coach and led his team to a .500 record. Although Kitna taught at the PS 118 successfully for four years, his run came to end once he was found penetrating a 17 year old student in the faculty restroom. The young 18 year old would turn 17 in just three days prior to penetration but Kitna simply could not contain himself. The 17 year old was found to be a man.
BRIAN Scalabrine
The man, the myth, the legend. Scal does not take shit from anybody and is type to murder for pocket change. As dangerous as Scal is, he is a fan favorite wherever he goes, once even getting MVP chants during a road game. Scal has retired his number in Chicago this past year, and has requested that his jersey be placed right in between Jordan and Pippen's. Scal does have a championship ring with the 2008 Boston Celtics which he had surgically encrusted onto his middle finger... it is now unremovable which is how he wanted it. Scal is now trying to figure out his next move, and will possibly join Shaq and Chuck on NBA on TNT. For now he is just flipping off random pedestrians in the streets of Los Angeles with his unremovable Championship ring.
PS: Never make eye contact with Brian Scalabrine.
PS: Never make eye contact with Brian Scalabrine.
JASON Kidd
After his 1 year stint with his former team, the Brooklyn Nets (New Jersey Nets during his time), future hall of famer / excuse for civilized coach Jason Kidd was fired from coaching. We've received about 3,000 agitated e-mails on requests for Jason Kidd's whereabouts since he was booted from the Brooklyn Nets as head coach. "Where the F*** is J Kidd nowadays?" was the question on the minds of all of our WATN religious followers. So here goes. Jason jumps from city to city donating sperm to selective sperm banks (or semen banks if you will.) Here is the interesting part... Kidd had a vasectomy operation done about 10 years ago. Through our Where Are They Now Team's extensive research, we discovered that Kidd shoots loads at these semen banks because he just simply enjoys it.
Jason "Sperm Donor" Kidd is not your typical philanthropist.
A source tells us that he "usually busts on the doorknob" to play a prank on the nurses.
Jason hopes to soon open his own facility and name it:
"Charitable Jizz Inc.
The Infamous Rick Fox vs. Doug Christie Brawl of 2002
Today, (10/25/12) marks the 10 year anniversary of the infamous Doug Christie and Rick Fox showdown. Fox found Christie's innocent wife in the front row of the basketball contest enjoying cracker jacks. Fox approached Mrs. Christie and patted her on the head, saying "Good doggy." This made Christie furious. Things bounced out of control as Fox delivered a stiff punch to the throat of Christie. Christie responded with a left-handed european uppercut to the bottom of Fox's chin (as seen in photo.) The next day, Christie threatened the life of Fox and his loved ones via AOL 7.0 instant messenger saying "you touch my girl again, and i'm coming after you and your damn family."
Making the list as one of the most memorable fights in NBA history and gaining an induction into The WhereRtheyNow NBA Brawl of Fame is the Doug Christie vs. Rick Fox fight at the Staples Center.
Making the list as one of the most memorable fights in NBA history and gaining an induction into The WhereRtheyNow NBA Brawl of Fame is the Doug Christie vs. Rick Fox fight at the Staples Center.
EDDIE Griffin
Griffins anger problems started in high school in West Philadelphia, when classmates would mix him up with the comedian ‘Eddie Griffin’ and beg him to tell jokes. However after realizing how terrible he was at comedy, kids began to hate him and bully him. There was an incident where he was shooting free throws in a High School championship game, when an opposing player taunted him, “tell me a joke Eddieee, tell me a joke.” This pissed him off incredibly, and Griffin murdered the child on the spot. After an NBA career of drug addiction, alcoholism, and behavior problems, Griffin had enough and left the league. One night Griffin went for a drive in his new Cadillac Escalade with a dvd player in place of the navigation. He proceeded to speed down a highway, drunk, while watching a Girls Gone Wild DVD. It was then he got into a tragic car accident and passed away. Griffin used to say his favorite things were cars, drugs, and masturbation, so if he could leave on any note, this is probably what he would have wanted. Griffin’s memory still lives on to this day as perhaps one of the greatest shot blockers in NBA LIVE history.
ATOINE WALKER ('TWAN)
In July 2009, Walker was in deep gambling debt with the Bellagio casino of Las Vegas. After not being able to pay off this debt, 'Twan tried selling his 2006 Miami Heat championship ring. The ring sold for 12 dollars on eBay (as nobody believed the ring was authentic, or that Antoine Walker himself opened an eBay account to sell it.) Antoine Walker attempted to write several bad checks to Bellagio, owing them a sum of $900,000. While trying to flee Vegas, 'Twan was followed to the airport by Bellagio security & staff and dragged back to the hotel into the backroom of the casino. The casino owner's henchmen wasted no time breaking both his legs, so he would no longer be able to run. Antoine is now a handicapped BlackJack dealer in the Mirage hotel.
BREVIN Knight
The lowlife Brevin Knight. Knight refused to shoot full-court shots at the end of quarters because he did not want to lower his FG %. Other than that, Brevin is the average unmemorable point guard. Where is BK now? Simple. BK invested heavily in the Blockbuster stock in late 2008, and lost every last dollar he put into it. Knight is currently a White Castle drive-thru attendent. His dedication for drive-thru food is persistent.
ROBERT Swift (before and after)
The transformation of Robert Swift shocked the entire nation. He went from a lovable rookie basketball player, to a horrifying, fearsome monster. What caused Robert Swift to get these tattoos and grow out a full head of red hair? I'll tell you. Swift was traumatized after hearing 2 Chainz' music. He hasn't spoken a word of english since. Swift now speaks gibberish fluently and eats Trix cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner." In February 2013, Swift choked on a Choco Taco ice cream as he tried to eat it whole. Luckily for Robert, longtime teammate and friend, Danny Fortson, was there to perform the Heimlick maneuver on him.
Nickname: Giant Leprechaun
Nickname: Giant Leprechaun
DESMOND Mason
The 2001 Sprite Slam Dunk Contest champion, Mason was a strict slam-dunker and suffered in all other aspects of his game. His career 3 point shooting percentage is 26%, which is beyond horrendous for a shooting guard. Now, Where is Desmond? Desmond took an intern job as an assistant for David Stern. Shortly after, Stern fired Mason for making his coffee too strong. The commissioner spat directly on Mason's face and asked him to leave. After he was relieved of all duties of being commissioner Stern's bitch, Mason jumped from state to state retrieving bank loans using a false identity. Mason quickly became a multi-billionaire through this scam and was doing this for years until the FBI caught him in August of 2012. In court, Mason told the judge he considered this act "legally robbing a bank." Desmond Mason was sentenced to 25 - Life, but was released 8 days later on extremely good behavior.
JOEL Przybilla
We really can never tell what this guy is gonna do next. First he was hands down the greatest rebounder to ever play the game of basketball reeling in well over 30 rebounds per game... He then retired and conquered the UFC, murdering Chuck Liddell with his bare hands and consuming Liddell's heart whole. He became the champ and is now coming back to the NBA to become the greatest rebounder to play the game again. He really needs to just calm down a bit. If you happen to run into Przybilla, our best advice is to keep a safe distance of at least 50 feet.
Franceska Jaimes : *Special Pornstars Edition*
The mother of Eddie House's child, Franceska is an adult film actress. She is known for her works in "Bust A Nut or Die Tryin'" and the infamous "I Screwed The Pizza Guy 4." Eddie was fed up when he learned that Franceska had been banging 12 of the 15 players from the Boston Celtics team, and kicked Franceska to the curb. They filed for divorce in June 2011, stating irreconcilable differences as reasoning. It is rumored that she is now dating former Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher.
KEITH Van Horn
The fan favorite Keith, Keith retired from the NBA because he's a good father and didn't want his kids to keep moving around. K.V.H. Started a software development company, has all of his NBA money invested in safe spots, gaining interest and making money from it. He works like he has to pay rent, just because he enjoys it. He's a co-founder of a fishing club, and coaches a high school basketball team in his spare time. In 2008, after already being out of the game for two years, he was in for a treat. He never officially retired from NBA. Dallas wanted to complete a trade and they needed a guy to make contracts work. So they 'signed' Keith to a 4 million dollar deal, included him in the trade, and he never had to leave home. This may be the easiest 4 mil that retired basketball player/entrepreneur Keith Van Horn has ever made.
STOJKO Vronkovic
In November 2005, Stojko was found dry-humping a deceased moose on the side of the freeway. Vronkovic later denied these allegations, but the DNA found on the moose's corpse told police otherwise. In the 1996-1997 NBA Season, Stojko Vronkovic was the star of the Los Angeles Clippers, alongside good friend Maurice Taylor. According to league sources, Stojko and Maurice used to eat raw eggs and then box hanging dead cow meat in industrial freezers as a pre-game ritual. It is also reported that Vronkovic would go for naked jogs every morning of game day regardless the temperature. Where is Stojko today? The answer is simple. WhereRtheyNow caught up with Stojko recently, and found him giving out [free] energy drinks in Uptown New York City. These so called "energy drinks" were later found to contain heavy doses of laxatives inside them. When we asked Stojko why he committed such a gruesome act towards innocent pedestrians, he responded saying:
"These fucking Americans have no class, no shame and think they are #1. They will suffer bad diarrhea and I will laugh like hyaena."
"These fucking Americans have no class, no shame and think they are #1. They will suffer bad diarrhea and I will laugh like hyaena."
Sign up now for Amazon Prime and get a free autograph of Stojko Vronkovic on a napkin.
*$21.99 shipping rates may apply
*$21.99 shipping rates may apply
Rush HOUR 4 Starring J. Harden & J. Lin
James Harden & Jeremy Lin were recently casted for another sequel to Rush Hour. This will be the fourth installment in the Rush Hour series, but will not include Tucker and Chan... Lin will play Inspector Lee, while Harden plays Detective James Carter. The straight to DVD sequel will be released Summer of 2015, with rumors of Spike Lee producing and directing the film.
Plot Summary: Detective Inspector Lee (Jeremy Lin) teams up with loud mouth Detecive James Carter (James Harden)... Su-Yung gets kidnapped, it is up to the Houston Rockets back-court to rescue her.
Note: Vince Carter and Courtney Lee also auditioned for the role, but were turned down.
Plot Summary: Detective Inspector Lee (Jeremy Lin) teams up with loud mouth Detecive James Carter (James Harden)... Su-Yung gets kidnapped, it is up to the Houston Rockets back-court to rescue her.
Note: Vince Carter and Courtney Lee also auditioned for the role, but were turned down.
BRUNO Šundov
Someone get this guy his own private jet. Sundov entered the NBA as the 35th pick of the 1998 NBA draft, since 98' Bruno has played for 15 different teams including 5 NBA teams and 10 other teams all in different countries. Isiah Thomas sat down with WhereRtheyNow and explained how Bruno was good for two things, lowering the salary cap, and coming into games late to instigate fights with opposing big men. Former knick players from the 2004-2005 team claimed "Bruno was so annoying to be around that sometimes players from his own team would back up the opponent in fights." It was also discovered while Bruno was playing in Israel for the Maccabi Tel-Aviv club, he was dating Israeli model Bar Rafeli. Where is Bruno know you may ask? Well, the answer is simple, he's in jail. After his basketball career ended 1 year ago in Bulgaria, Bruno returned to the U.S. and became the designated driver for the Yugoslavian Mob. Bruno was arrested in March of 2012 under charges of theft, when it was learnt he was stealing thousands of gallons of Coca Cola inventory, shipping it back to Croatia and selling it way under market value. Bruno has 10 years left on his sentence, but we can assure you one thing, he sure will be back on the streets looking to make more dirty money.
DARIUS Miles
From the hood to the hardwoods.
Growing up in the small town of Belleville, Illinois was no easy life. Where is Darius right now you may ask? Well, after having no college background, Darius decided his best chance of succeeding in life would be as an entrepreneur. Darius’ counterfit basketball jersey card company “The Mile” was recently cracked down on. Darius declared bankruptcy in October of 2012.
Darius was also subject to a restraining order by the infamous "Ellen Degenerate," after reportedly cursing racial and homophobic slurs at her and once being denied a request s special guest star on her daily talk show. Darius was also arrested in July of 2010, for being caught on camera breaking into Dave and Buster’s and stealing mike and ikes’ candy by shattering the crane games glass while the restaurant/arcade was closed overnight. In another instance, Darius was accused of shooting himself in the leg.. Officials later discovered the suspect was actually identified as a Plaxico Burress.
Growing up in the small town of Belleville, Illinois was no easy life. Where is Darius right now you may ask? Well, after having no college background, Darius decided his best chance of succeeding in life would be as an entrepreneur. Darius’ counterfit basketball jersey card company “The Mile” was recently cracked down on. Darius declared bankruptcy in October of 2012.
Darius was also subject to a restraining order by the infamous "Ellen Degenerate," after reportedly cursing racial and homophobic slurs at her and once being denied a request s special guest star on her daily talk show. Darius was also arrested in July of 2010, for being caught on camera breaking into Dave and Buster’s and stealing mike and ikes’ candy by shattering the crane games glass while the restaurant/arcade was closed overnight. In another instance, Darius was accused of shooting himself in the leg.. Officials later discovered the suspect was actually identified as a Plaxico Burress.
Ha Seung-Jin
Arch nemesis of Yao Ming. Seung Jin stands at 7 foot 3 inches tall, weighing in at 303 lbs. Ha warmed the bench so hard, that people would start calling him "The Sauna." His english is not good, so he would just nod in agreement. Ha caught his big break When fellow Blazer centers Theo Ratliff and Joel Przybilla were unable to play due to injury, Ha started four games, averaging 11 minutes playing time. In one of those four games, Ha was matched up against Yao, with Yao's wife sitting in the stands. Ha made thorough eye contact with Mrs. Ming, causing Yao to go on a rampage and throw Ha to the ground. The two china-men engaged in Kung-Fu battle for several minutes while the players and referees let them settle business. Ha came out victorious against Yao, and Mrs. Ming, who is now Mrs. Seung-Jin, went home with Ha that night. Now comes the question of "Where is Ha?" Ha is the owner and founder of HA! Comedy Club in South Korea , which was recently shut down by the government for serving cocaine to minors.
Just last week (10/18/2012) Seung-Jin attempted a comeback to the NBA. During training camp, Ha got into a heated argument with Nedzad Sinanovic over who starred in the movie "Die Hard." (Bruce Willis or Arnold Schwarzenegger) Ha later found Sinanovic in the team's weight room and attacked him with a wooden stretching pole, nailing him twice before they were separated. Within 24 hours, they made up and were found eating MuShu together.
Just last week (10/18/2012) Seung-Jin attempted a comeback to the NBA. During training camp, Ha got into a heated argument with Nedzad Sinanovic over who starred in the movie "Die Hard." (Bruce Willis or Arnold Schwarzenegger) Ha later found Sinanovic in the team's weight room and attacked him with a wooden stretching pole, nailing him twice before they were separated. Within 24 hours, they made up and were found eating MuShu together.
SHANDON Anderson
Where is Shanderson now you ask? Shandon owns a hair salon, a spa and a vegetarian restaurant. He does have a ring with the 2005-2006 Miami Heat basketball team which was led by Wade and Shaq. Shanderson averaged 1.5 points and 1 turnover in that Nba Finals series. When approached by haters, Anderson places the ring on his pinky finger and says "Kiss the ring bitch."
MORRIS Peterson (#moPeteMoProblems)
On december 25th, 2013, Morris Peterson was arrested on allegations of trespassing after he attempted to jump down the chimney of his baby mama's house to deliver presents to his kids for christmas. Peterson had been under a restraining order since 2012 after beating his wife with a 2x4, as she constantly called him names while attempting a comeback to the NBA.
On December 26th, 2013, Peterson tore his ACL while once again attempting to slide down the chimney of his baby mama, Bon'Quisha. His fall landed him straight onto a large kitchen knife which his baby mama set in the fireplace as a booby trap. This led to Mo Pete sueing Bon'Quisha to her last penny. Morris was victorious, having left court with Bon'Quisha's life earnings. $94.78. One may be amazed at how Mo pete tore his ACL and was pierced by a sharp knife in the same instant. It is reported that after the double tragedy, Peterson shook his head and stated: "Mo Pete Mo Problems."
Snapple fact #227: Morris Peterson wrote Martin Luther King's famous "I Have a Dream" speech at age four.
On December 26th, 2013, Peterson tore his ACL while once again attempting to slide down the chimney of his baby mama, Bon'Quisha. His fall landed him straight onto a large kitchen knife which his baby mama set in the fireplace as a booby trap. This led to Mo Pete sueing Bon'Quisha to her last penny. Morris was victorious, having left court with Bon'Quisha's life earnings. $94.78. One may be amazed at how Mo pete tore his ACL and was pierced by a sharp knife in the same instant. It is reported that after the double tragedy, Peterson shook his head and stated: "Mo Pete Mo Problems."
Snapple fact #227: Morris Peterson wrote Martin Luther King's famous "I Have a Dream" speech at age four.
TIKI Barber
The twin brother of Rondé, Tiki Barber is an old timer who is now captain of the "Iceberg" team in the National Freeze-Tag League. (NFTL) So far this season, he is an MVP candidate for the NFTL. After Tiki left the Giants only to learn that they are superbowl champions 1 year later by the hand of Eli Manning and Michael Strahan, he went into a state of clinical depression. After he was missing for several weeks and unable to be contacted, he returned home one day while the rain was pouring hard and was found watering dead plants during a stormy rain. It took Tiki a while to get back to his sane self, but on a good note he will most likely be inducted into the National Freeze-Tag Hall of Fame some day. 4 years later, in 2012, The New York Giants once again defeated the New England Patriots making Super Bowl history with another upset victory. Just days after the 2nd Giants victory, Barber leaked videos via UStream and his antics have been nothing but strange. From screaming nonsense into the camera to crying at night. If that doesn't sound weird to you, recently he resorted to eating a ton Vaseline... claiming it is a natural remedy for strep throat.
JAKE Voskuhl
Voskuhl's whereabouts are currently unknown. WhereRtheyNow will update you if we find him.
MICHAEL "fatman" Sweetney
There is so much to say about Michael "the fat man" Sweetney. Sweetney was drafted 9th overall by the New York Knicks in 2003 (in the same draft pool as LeBron, Wade, Melo, Bosh.) Sweetney had a successful career in High school and college basketball, but when he made it to the big leagues it all went downhill. Michael was bullied in the NBA by players like Kendrick Perkins and Glen "Big Baby" Davis. They would call him nicknames like "Tubby" and "Cupcake Champion." Sweetney had battled weight issues throughout his life and his career. After being dropped by the Vaqueros de Bayamónu (Puerto Rican D-League team) in 2010, Michael cut his losses and worked his way to the top at an Apple-bees. He is currently battling "Tom Gugliotta" for the CEO executive positiion at Apple-bees.
ADAM Morrison
He is just working hard, and doing the right things.
Rasheed Wallace vs. Referees
D.J. MBenga
LA Times, "Breaking News" : after many years of going by DJ Benga, Didier has realized his last name starts with an M. When asked about it he said, 'I didn't know what sound letter M makes. He also acknowledges that he must improve his offense. DJ and his great pal, Stanislav Medvedenko are working out together at LA Fitness in hopes of helping each other improve their deficiencies in hopes of returning to the NBA. Keep your fingers crossed and who knows, in the near future we might be seeing Slava and DJ in a town near you.
Former Mavericks big man D.J. Mbenga was arrested in Dallas on Tuesday for public intoxication. Mbenga was waived by the Mavs earlier this month, but apparently he told the arresting police officers that he was on the verge of signing with the Raptors. It remains to be seen whether that is true, or whether this incident will impact his chances of re-signing in the NBA. Related: Raptors
Finally, reports tell us that DJ did not make the team, and is going through a mid-life crisis.
On October 8, 2014, Mbenga signed with the New York Knicks.[24] However, he was later waived by the Knicks on October 24, 2014.
Former Mavericks big man D.J. Mbenga was arrested in Dallas on Tuesday for public intoxication. Mbenga was waived by the Mavs earlier this month, but apparently he told the arresting police officers that he was on the verge of signing with the Raptors. It remains to be seen whether that is true, or whether this incident will impact his chances of re-signing in the NBA. Related: Raptors
Finally, reports tell us that DJ did not make the team, and is going through a mid-life crisis.
On October 8, 2014, Mbenga signed with the New York Knicks.[24] However, he was later waived by the Knicks on October 24, 2014.
JAKE Tsakalidis
Alongside his partner in crime, Bruno Sundov, Tsakalidis is a designated shooter for the Yugoslavian Mob, making Sundov the designated driver. It was reported that in the Halloween of 2004, Tsakilidis gave out palm pilots to young children as trick-or- treat gifts. We later found out that these palm pilots had tracking devices in them. Tsakilidis tracked down and murdered over 50 trick or treaters that Halloween, and yelled "TRICK OR TREAT" before each kill. His 8 assassination attempts on Barrack Obama have all failed. After members of the white house took Tsakilidis in for questioning, he simply stated "Obama is the anti-christ." He was released from the police station without any further questioning. Last time we checked in on Jake, he was riding a bicycle with training wheels, and hanging out in the shallow section of his pool with armfloats. When asked about his childish behavior, Jake got really angry and nearly choked the reporter constantly yelling in Greek "I'm going to put my penis in your butt!!"
BO Outlaw
Bo Outlaw was known for his tenacious defensive approach as well as his sub-par free throw shooting skills. Outlaw is an irrelevant player from the 90's who sported colored goggles during his NBA days. After constant abuse on the court, being called names such as "Four Eyes" or "The Black Harry Potter," Bo decided to get laser-eye surgery to prove his name callers wrong. A few weeks after the surgery his color vision went completely bad and became legally color blind. He was spotted last month at the gay parade in Phoenix, Arizona holding up a rainbow colored flag claiming "Support our country and troops!
SHAWN Bradley
Bradley. One of the worst to ever do it. The 7 foot 6 freak who never amounted to anything but a small cameo role in the hit movie "Space Jam." Although he was a decent shot-blocker due to his freakish size, his other basketball abilities such as shooting, or even dribbling were far less than average. After retiring from basketball, Bradley was lost for a while and did not know what to do. After many failed attempts to find his calling, Bradley finally realized what he must do. Shawn Bradley offed himself on 03/21/11.
EDDY Curry
Eddy Curry is a real piece of shit. After an excuse for a career with the Chicago Bulls and New York Knicks, Curry schemed a Championship ring while wearing a suit on the bench for the entire 2012 Miami Heat NBA Finals Series.
On January 12, 2009, Curry was sued by his former chauffeur, David Kuchinsky. Kuchinsky accused Curry of trying to solicit gay sex from him. According to court papers, Curry repeatedly approached Kuchinsky "in the nude," saying, "Look at me, Dave, look" and, "Come and touch it, Dave." The Manhattan federal court suit also stated that Curry made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [into which Curry had ejaculated] so that his wife would not see them." Kuchinsky also said Curry called him racial slurs, including "f***ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK".Kuchinsky claimed Curry owed him $68,000 in unpaid wages, as well as $25,000 in expenses which Curry never repaid. Those expenses, he said, included cellphones that Curry had him buy as gifts and hotel and club bills. Curry's lawyer, Kelly A. Saindon, called Kuchinsky's claims "preposterous" and "extortion."
On January 12, 2009, Curry was sued by his former chauffeur, David Kuchinsky. Kuchinsky accused Curry of trying to solicit gay sex from him. According to court papers, Curry repeatedly approached Kuchinsky "in the nude," saying, "Look at me, Dave, look" and, "Come and touch it, Dave." The Manhattan federal court suit also stated that Curry made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [into which Curry had ejaculated] so that his wife would not see them." Kuchinsky also said Curry called him racial slurs, including "f***ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK".Kuchinsky claimed Curry owed him $68,000 in unpaid wages, as well as $25,000 in expenses which Curry never repaid. Those expenses, he said, included cellphones that Curry had him buy as gifts and hotel and club bills. Curry's lawyer, Kelly A. Saindon, called Kuchinsky's claims "preposterous" and "extortion."
MICHAEL Doleac
You gotta love this guy. Michael was raised on a farm in Southern Alabama. Growing up, the only things Michael knew how to do was raising cattle and harvesting the crops. When Michael hit the age of 9, he had an unexpected growth spurt putting on 27 inches in a span of just 2 1/2 months... The article hit national news and NCAA scouts started taking visits down to Alabama to see the 6 foot 8 Nine year old boy.
Doleac was selected 12th overall in the 1998 draft by the Orlando Magic. During his NBA tenure, Doleac played for the New York Knicks in the busy city of NYC. Michael instantly became a celebrity in New York, running the NYC nightlife scene. After his career, Michael realized home is where his heart is and returned to southern Alabama. Michael was arrested in the summer of 2012 after 8 different mothers claimed Doleac touched their children in inappropriate areas. One of the mothers claims "he fully groped, ma youngest boy, it's very sad to see.. Ma son always looked up to him." The judge of Michael's hearing claimed "Michael is gonna have two options:
A) Spend the rest of life in prison-- or
B) Spend the rest of his life as head coach for the Charlotte Bobcats."
Doleac is currently serving a life sentence.
Doleac was selected 12th overall in the 1998 draft by the Orlando Magic. During his NBA tenure, Doleac played for the New York Knicks in the busy city of NYC. Michael instantly became a celebrity in New York, running the NYC nightlife scene. After his career, Michael realized home is where his heart is and returned to southern Alabama. Michael was arrested in the summer of 2012 after 8 different mothers claimed Doleac touched their children in inappropriate areas. One of the mothers claims "he fully groped, ma youngest boy, it's very sad to see.. Ma son always looked up to him." The judge of Michael's hearing claimed "Michael is gonna have two options:
A) Spend the rest of life in prison-- or
B) Spend the rest of his life as head coach for the Charlotte Bobcats."
Doleac is currently serving a life sentence.
TYRONE Hill
Since becoming a public figure, Tyrone's multiple arrests have been for offenses including: Animal cruelty, reckless driving, unlicensed driving, man-rape, drug possession, and identity falsification. He is frequently referred to as the "The Bad Guy" due to his rugged style of play on and off the court. Tyrone can be found in Downtown "Chinatown" of New York City selling counterfeit luxury purses, shoes, watches and hats. The items bore trademarks from luxury manufacturers such as Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana and Louis Vuitton. When recognized by fans, Tyrone nervously denies his identity, claiming "I am just a black man trying to make it."
*BRAWL* - Antonio Davis vs. Brendon Haywood
In a 2008 Bulls Wizards playoff game, Davis found himself in a scuffle with the one and only Brendon Haywood. It was a cheap-shot by the ultimate cheap-shot artist himself (Haywood) that started it all. With the referee focused on a pair of jugs, Haywood struck Davis with a flagrant elbow hit causing tempers to flare. Antonio was then credited for landing a nice one-two punch on Brendon. Well in fighting confines, Antonio Davis is considered old school, so it wasn't a surprise to see Brendon Haywood backpedaling to get away from the haymakers that Davis was about to introduce him to. This ended in a fight at the other end of the court where Haywood had backpedaled to a point where he couldn't go any farther.
Davis then threw Haywood to the floor and obviously won the wrestling match between the two, leaving Haywood paralyzed.
Haywood was in a coma for 3 years following Davises' beat-down. Brendon Haywood is now awake from the coma and back in shape, and currently playing for the Charlotte Bobcats.
Antonio Davis retired and is now a weatherman for CBS News Channel.
Davis then threw Haywood to the floor and obviously won the wrestling match between the two, leaving Haywood paralyzed.
Haywood was in a coma for 3 years following Davises' beat-down. Brendon Haywood is now awake from the coma and back in shape, and currently playing for the Charlotte Bobcats.
Antonio Davis retired and is now a weatherman for CBS News Channel.
MARVIN Harrison
Late in his successful career, Marvin Harrison became fully aware of his 1970's style pornstar mustache, which ultimately led to Marvin directing and starring in 1970's style porno. He has since blinded 37 women and one rhinoceros with his penis, and two men with his balls. We do not know exactly how. Harrison also makes a living by selling his shaved pubic hair. His pubic hair has sold for the whopping price of $500,000 an ounce.
Snapple Fact #108: Marvin Harrison was once caught masturbating to an autographed poster of himself.
Snapple Fact #108: Marvin Harrison was once caught masturbating to an autographed poster of himself.
GREG Ostertag
This dude could have been the poster-boy of the Utah Jazz, only lacking good looks, and basketball skill. He was Known by players as the "basketball repellant" after coaches would make sure no balls head his way. His jersey sales in 2004 were contrary to his jersey number... 0. In 2005, Ostertag decided to take matters into his own hands. He became recognized by the fans as the man who would throw his jersey and shorts into the crowd after games before heading to the locker room. In many instances, his oncourt apparel was thrown back at him implying the general message of "We don't want this sh*t". Where is Gregory right now you may ask? Well the answer is fairly simple. After his NBA career came to an unfortunate end(not being invited to the Utah Jazz mini camp) Greg decided to travel oversees to Japan in order to try out for the Japanese Basketball League (or abbreviated to JBL). Inspite of being rejected by all the teams he tried out for, one coach encouraged he goes back to America to try to get an office job. Infatuated by the beauty of Japan, Ostertag refused. Only rumors tell us Ostertag shaved his head completely bald and is now a monk. Sources tell us he is doing "good", and is very satisfied with his new lifestyle. More good news to prevent coaches headaches tell us that Ostertag is not planning on making any return attempts to the NBA.
CHEROKEE Parks
After a nightmarish four year NBA career, Cherokee Parks was kicked out of the National Basketball League by commissioner stern for having sexual affairs with the commissioner's wife. Cherokee, now stuck home and jobless, spent his days watching the food network from AM to PM. Cherokee became obsessed with fine dining and applied for the Chef job at Red Lobster. After losing the Head Chef job to Clarence Weatherspoon, Parks decided to cut his losses and is now flipping sloppy joes and serving gravy at the P.S. 118 in Mississipi. The elementary school is grateful to have a lunch lady, or lunch-man, that the young kids can look up to.
Snapple fact #114: Cherokee Parks was the first and only player to be expelled from the NBA.
Snapple fact #114: Cherokee Parks was the first and only player to be expelled from the NBA.
KEON Clark
Once known as the biggest drug dealer in Jamaica, Keon was arrested last week for driving around in Albuquerque, New Mexico with a suspended license, a loaded gun and 3 hand grenades in the glove department of his 1981 Chevy. Clark did not show up to his sentencing hearing. The County Judge Richard Klaus sentenced him in absentia to 5 years in prison and issued a warrant for his arrest. The county judge claimed "putting Mr. Clark on probation would be a complete and utter waste of time and resources, Mr. Clark is a danger to the community, especially if he continues to drive". Rumor has it the inmates of Clark's local jail are all hoping Clark is their new roommate as his arms may just be long enough to reach out of the railings and steal the keys to the prison while the police are asleep. Another report just came out recently claiming, Clark was never from nor ever has been to Jamaica and it was all just a popularity start. This all explains why Clark refused to play for team Jamaica in the olympic games. His "Jamaican" accent in post game interviews is now in question. In 2002, Clark posted averages of 11.3 points and 1.51 blocks per game, while also finishing first in the NBA in total personal fouls.
TRAVIS Best
During the late '90s, Best gave up his game when his eyesight became weary. He refused to wear goggles because it would ruin his bad boy image, and contacts because they bothered his eyes. Three years later, at the 2002 all-star game, Stevie Wonder saw the retired basketball player from across the room and called for Best to come sit next to him. Stevie said "Travis, I wanna sign you man." "You don't own a team to sign me with." Said Best. Stevie Wonder realized what he must do. Stevie Wonder purchased the New Orleans Hornets, and signed Travis Best to a 12 year deal (longest contract in sports history)... Best did not disappoint. On his road to redemption, he led the NBA in points, rebounds and steals, and he did all this with below average eyesight. Best retired in 2010 with 5 years still left on his contract (although he collected every penny) and his legacy will live on.
Now the question you've all been waiting for ; Where is Travis Best today?
Best spent all $150,000,000 he made playing for New Orleans in just 7 years and is bankrupt today. His whereabouts are unknown and we will update you if we find him.
When the media asked Stevie why he invested so much of his money into Best, he responded saying "Good vibes baby, good vibes."Stevie Wonder has been working on changing the New Orleans Hornets to the New Orleans Pelicans. The number one cause of death for pelicans is blindness. Pelicans dive into water to get their prey, and a lot of water blinds their eyes, ultimately resulting in their death. Out of pity for his fellow blindmen, Stevie will change the team name to the Pelicans and it will be official in 2013.
Now the question you've all been waiting for ; Where is Travis Best today?
Best spent all $150,000,000 he made playing for New Orleans in just 7 years and is bankrupt today. His whereabouts are unknown and we will update you if we find him.
When the media asked Stevie why he invested so much of his money into Best, he responded saying "Good vibes baby, good vibes."Stevie Wonder has been working on changing the New Orleans Hornets to the New Orleans Pelicans. The number one cause of death for pelicans is blindness. Pelicans dive into water to get their prey, and a lot of water blinds their eyes, ultimately resulting in their death. Out of pity for his fellow blindmen, Stevie will change the team name to the Pelicans and it will be official in 2013.
Don Chaney (Special coaches edition)
"The man, The myth, The worst coach to ever do it." From the Pro's to Politics.
Growing up, Chaney was infatuated with flying objects, watching documentaries on levitation as a youth... Chaney was surely a nerd. After constant verbal abuse from his father, yelling things such as "you're never gonna be a pilot" and "come and touch it, don," D. Chaney decided to give up his dreams of being a pilot and became involved with child pornography. He has filmed many short feature films, such as "Do It To Me Billy" and "Little Girls Gone Wild." After his short (and unsuccessful) run as head coach for the New York Knicks, Chaney became involved with politics, washing away all his fortune on his 2012 presidential campaign, in which he received 0 total votes. WhereRtheyNow got the chance to sit down with Chaney for a special coaches edition interview. Don told us "I'm gonna go back to the business I'm most experienced in: child pornography." Chaney looks to make huge returns on his up and coming business Chaney's Children. We wish him luck on any endeavors he puts his mind too. That sick fuck.
Side note: While coaching the Knicks, Don sold chrystal meth in his neighborhood for side cash, using the money to tip strippers for handjobs.
Growing up, Chaney was infatuated with flying objects, watching documentaries on levitation as a youth... Chaney was surely a nerd. After constant verbal abuse from his father, yelling things such as "you're never gonna be a pilot" and "come and touch it, don," D. Chaney decided to give up his dreams of being a pilot and became involved with child pornography. He has filmed many short feature films, such as "Do It To Me Billy" and "Little Girls Gone Wild." After his short (and unsuccessful) run as head coach for the New York Knicks, Chaney became involved with politics, washing away all his fortune on his 2012 presidential campaign, in which he received 0 total votes. WhereRtheyNow got the chance to sit down with Chaney for a special coaches edition interview. Don told us "I'm gonna go back to the business I'm most experienced in: child pornography." Chaney looks to make huge returns on his up and coming business Chaney's Children. We wish him luck on any endeavors he puts his mind too. That sick fuck.
Side note: While coaching the Knicks, Don sold chrystal meth in his neighborhood for side cash, using the money to tip strippers for handjobs.
LENNY Wilkens (Coaches Edition)
Lenny Wilkins. Marbury's bitch. Lenny has never even once benched Stephon Marbury for the entire two years he was with the Knicks. Wilkens has quite a resumé, winning a championship as an NBA player in 1979 with the Seattle Sonics, and Coach of the Year in 1994 with the Atlanta Hawks. After coaching the Knicks from 2002-2004, Lenny called it quits and fled the country. He began selling margaritas at a shake shack in Cancun. The shake shack can be found next to "La Cucaracha," or, the dirtiest club in Mexico. He secretly sells molly over there and regularly engages in orgies with the local gangbangers and prostitutes.
MORE ENTRYS COMING SOON !
|
|